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“It was really a journey for me… the more I got descended down into those dark passageways, the more I felt something different, something very much intangible but mysterious and powerful enough; somehow I felt that I was not only descending down into those dark passageways, but descending down into the depth of something else…into the depth of some mystery where I might get a different truth, may be the truth of my existence…on a very first place, I startled a bit, felt myself trapped inside those dark passageways… but as I descended more into those dark and secret corridors of that unending lonely tower, the more I started to feel that there I was for a reason, may be to explore something beyond this world of tangibility… but something very much aligned to the ideal core of reality, to the eternity itself… and I started to feel the mystery, within and an inner depth within myself quite surprisingly started to whisper in an inaudible way, but there was something special in its inaudibility that jerked me at once and in the midst of that darkness I got introduced with my greater womb from where I came and will be merged into…”
You may startle a bit, pause for a while and ask yourself; is this the ideal way to get introduced with the origin of your existence? Or is this only a mystic experience that one can have while going through some crisis? Actually this experience was nothing but only a dream experience that a painter had on a single night and shared that with me when I was at Pondicherry a few years back and quite accidentally got stumbled across with him, while strolling around the beach during morning walk and only with a couple of conversations got to know about his dream experiences that he used to have those days. Sometimes, he also dreamed of a dark and lonely tower where he was trapped inside, searching for help but finding no one to help him out of that painful experience. Sometimes he managed to get out of it, but sometimes he felt that a mysterious force was throbbing, within and guiding him to tread on those dark passageways to explore something beyond this tangible world of existence.
In some of those days, waking up early in the morning he simply did nothing, but only managed himself to paint some pictures of a lonely wanderer who is walking along those paths where he is finding none, but only darkness ahead, nothing more, nothing less! But months passed and he started to ask himself; who is that mysterious force, guiding him to walk alone even in the midst of that terrible darkness? Sometimes answer came through some paintings that he used to paint those days. Sometimes, it came through the silence of his heart, through the stillness of those dark nights when quite miraculously he got aligned with the thought of who he was or from where he came.
You may be surprised, may think how is it possible for one to get aligned with that thought, while he is completely alive and present with his physical entity in this tangible world of existence. Though on a very first place, those questions frightened him a lot. Then one night the answer came in the form of that dream experience (he shared with me) and quite surprisingly, he got perceived that descending more into those dark passageways according to the guidance of that mysterious force, within was nothing, but probing more into the depth, into the depth of his being, into the origin of his eternal existence and finding a different meaning of his entity as well.
Darkness is nothing, but allowing your inner self to be introduced with the truth, within:
Most of the time we tend to relate darkness with something negative, totally ignoring the fact that darkness is not always to be considered as something evil, something to be scared of, rather something mysterious to be explored in a newer way. And that dream experience of that painter was not an exception of that. It was not only a dream for him, but a higher realization, instead; a realization in order to remind him one of the primordial dark night from where he came into this world of existence and will be merged into. Probing deep into those dark passageways is not only that descending down and leaving yourself lost into those dark corridors of meaninglessness, wandering here and there and searching for your identity with a hopeless heart. Rather, it means to probe more, within and find that primordial secret code of your existence, deeply ingrained into that darkness.
Here in this section, I would like to introduce before you another dimension of our existence, another reality of our entity that most often we tend to ignore or avoid. But it is already within us. Sometimes we tend to avoid that darkness of our soul, considering it as something negative. We get scared of it. Sometimes it makes us awe- struck for a moment. But if we allow ourselves to descend more into the depth of that darkness, we can feel how much strength, how much power it already has, within. But we tend to ignore this fact and keep ourselves detach from that eternal source of energy and engage ourselves in search of our identity, without knowing the fact that the source of finding light, our own identity cannot be perceived without delving more into this darkness, within. As it is the ideal source of power and strength, since the primordial time of our existence.
Here, once again I would like to remind you that the dream experience of that painter was nothing but it came to him as a revelation, as something like a mirror itself where the darkness may not appear as something indistinct or something frightening or monstrous, but something very much reinforcing, creative like a constructive force that would give him that strength to introduce before him the truth, the ground of his being and his eternal connection to the everlasting, cosmic night. And here in lies its reality, its eternal enigma to inspire us to probe more within the depth of our being and revealing before us its primordial connection with our soul, with the greater womb of our existence, with the eternity itself, reminding us once again that our existence is not to be reflected in the light of day, but it is to be perceived even in the midst of a terrible darkness. As it introduces before us the depth of our being, the reality or the core of our existence that is still within us only to help us in order to explore a different dimension of our existence where quite surprisingly we can feel that we`re already aligned with the eternal truth of our cosmic presence. And then we need not to be baffled, we need not to wander around in a hopeless manner, rather truth will come as our only savior and once again we start to perceive the reality of our spiritual existence;
While walking along the path where you may have no one but darkness as your only companion, never let yourself feel that you`re lonely in this world. Rather, probe within, delve more within your entity. There once again you may be stumbled across with that darkness; but at the same time you must feel a mumbling voice of some enigmatic force, inspiring you to move forward without a hitch. If possible, let`s allow your consciousness to feel that voice. She is still lingering within your heart; “I know, you`re getting overwhelmed, my dear! But trust Me this is not the moment to be scared of, not the moment to be considered as something trivial, but something to be perceived…if possible try to feel Me within your heart…within yourself, within your entire entity…and I know you can feel Me in your every presence…as I’m not the darkness alone, rather very much aligned to your true being…and will be with you forever as you`re not away from Me, rather very much aligned to your true being…yes! I`m that primordial energy from which you came and will be merged into…and it is in Me you`ll get the secret code of your existence that is eternal and very much connected to the divine source of universal intelligence…”
Let`s probe more into the dark and feel the mystery of your soul, once again:
Probing more into the dark is not only descending down, but delving more within your own entity. And here in lies the mystery of those dark passageways, the mystery of your soul that apparently seem to appear as something unrecognizable, something being scared of, but actually the origin of your spiritual existence; that absolute nothing from which you mark your presence as something! And this is the magic of your existence; the magic of the universal creative intelligence.
In the previous section I have already mentioned a dream experience of that painter. If you`re thinking it was only a dream experience for him, let me assure you it was not like that much simpler one, rather it was more like a quest than a simple dream; a quest of his identity, a search of his origin that somehow he lost in those labyrinthine tunnels of meaninglessness and existential crisis.
So never be scared to encounter that darkness as it`s already within yourself. What you need to do is only to walk along those dark corridors without a question wherever it wishes you to lead. Rather, tread on that path with a strong belief in your heart and allow the mystery to unfold itself in a miraculous way. And trust me dear, there only you can have that secret code, you`re searching for a long period of time. Surrendering yourself to that darkness not only helps you to realize how much strong you`re, but also brings a serenity within your heart, making you realize that this darkness is the ideal core of your existence. It is actually that intangible, dark canvas of eternity that always holds a higher truth of our existence and always inspires us to paint something newer on its canvas which in depth is eternally connected to the universal source of creative intelligence. And trust me, this vast and dark canvas of eternity always allows your consciousness to probe more within and inspires you to feel that universal, eternal energy to which you belong, since the time you`ve your presence and you`ll be in your spiritual existence.
“When darkness comes, roaring aloud/ trying to engulf your entity/ yes! With a heart rendering sound/ you may startle for once/ may ask for help/ but finding no one, coming forward/to make your ground/ except that everlasting darkness/ and darkness ahead/ then never feel bad in your heart, my dear/ there must have some other truths to share/ another reality that still speaks of your power/ but this time is not of a simpler one/ but of a higher strength, within/ out of which/ only a divine energy can emerge/ to fill in the void/ to fill your heart with wonder and awe/ once again!”
Most of the time we tend to consider this darkness as something evil, something that has to be eradicated without a hitch, but totally ignore another dimension of our existence where it’s an undeniable fact that we cannot feel the presence of some graceful light without this darkness. In that sense it is the ultimate reality of our spiritual existence. We all are searching for it, wishing for a self- exploration but at the same time becomes frightened of its monstrous everlasting tentacles that it spread all over our entities. We become scared of that. Ask for help, forgetting that the help is to be discovered only within ourselves, within the darkness instead!
In order to explicate the point in a more comprehensible way I would like share with you an incident of a person who used to come at one of my friends` consultation center for an unusual problem. From one of his sessions, I got to know that it was actually a freedom that he had been seeking for. And when asked by my friend; “How do you think that you would get that?” he replied in a very gentle way; “If I will be able to keep myself in a dark room it would be better for me to feel that freedom…”
On a very first place, his words startled me a lot. You may also think how it is possible for one to lock himself in a dark room but at the same time feeling a sense of freedom at heart. But here in lies the magic itself, the truth of one`s self- exploration that helps him to stand before his own reflection, even in the midst of that darkness. Though most of us would consider that person as only a depressed one who in a fit of depression chose to be in a dark room, avoiding all circumstances and external activities. But the real fact was not like that. And that`s why instead of suggesting him to get out of that dark room, my friend suggested him to be with that darkness as long as he wish to be with that. As according to him that person was actually in a search of his own identity and at that very moment facing a dilemma within his own. His wish to be in that dark room was nothing, but only an attempt to be aligned with his primordial existence. Though it may seem as something, unrealistic in this world of material reality, but it has the essence of reality itself; the reality of his being, his eternal existence. And the more he would be with that darkness, the more he would be able to be aligned with the truth, he already have within. The truth of a mystery, the truth of his spiritual existence. Bringing one out of that darkness and making him to feel the grace of a divine light may seem to us as only an overnight project. But the fact is not like that. Rather it`s a process of self- exploration where darkness is the only mirror to behold our reflection; that primordial reflection of our true being.
Here darkness not only comes as a mirror, but also as a stage of our awakening, as a stage when quite spontaneously our consciousness inspire us to be with that darkness and to probe more, within. Sometimes to have an ideal self- reflection, sometimes in order to emerge in a newer way towards a different direction where darkness is not to be seen as something destructive, rather something like a constructive force, within in order to erase all our disequilibrium, to ground our being, to make us feel once again that darkness is not to be scared of, rather something primordial as the cosmic night to be embraced in order to be in close communion with our deeper self from where we will be able to find our true home, the true ground of our being. And it would be more explicable if you pay some heed to the last few words uttered by him when he came at my friend`s consultation center for the last time;
“Yes! I chose to be in darkness…somehow in those days I started to feel that I`m genuinely with my true self…all the dilemmas I had been suffering from, quite miraculously started to fade away and the more I got descended down into that darkness, the more I started to feel that I was getting aligned with my true essence…something primordial and eternal in essence…most of the time I used to feel a longing for that darkness…the source of my being, the source of my existence as well…your suggestions to spent some time alone in that darkness, in that solitude didn`t divert me at all, rather guided me to feel my true essence, the origin of my existence once again…that`s continually inspiring me to move forward without any grief, without any dissatisfaction towards this eternal darkness. Instead, it was a stage of a higher recognition…moreover the stage of a reconciliation with that primordial, cosmic darkness that already I`ve, within…and still now I feel it was a stage of an awakening that inspired me to shed off all other dilemmas and directed me to emerge in a newer way, aligning true to my roots…as that was the ideal time when I got found the true candles of my existence within myself even being in the midst of that darkness…”
Darkness is nothing, but a gateway to enlighten yourself with the truth of your greater Womb:
If you want to know yourself in a proper way, in a way where the only spokesman would be the inner depth of your soul, let me assure you that this darkness is the only guidance to feel that depth, within. Without it you will never be able to know your center in a proper way. And most of the time in search of our ideal center, we delve more into the darkness within and sometimes lose ourselves in its mysterious dark chambers. But at the end of the day, quite surprisingly we get introduced with the hidden core of our existence; that secret code of our entity in the midst of that darkness, even within the darkness of ourselves. The more we descend into its depth, the more we get introduced with the real power, with the real strength of our existence. It`s nothing but the doorway of coming back to your home, once again as it`s the primordial source of our energy, an eternal power center of our being.
Whenever we get aligned with the deeper core of this darkness within ourselves, our ordinary consciousness quite automatically leads us towards a state of higher revelation and helps us to gain a different spiritual insight in order to be evolved in a newer way, in a way where the darkness would not seem to us as something obscure, something to make us feel distraught and injured, rather as an eternal energy to be perceived within the depth of our being where none, but only soul resides. And in that way it`s that stage of our consciousness when quite automatically we get aligned with our cosmic presence, with our spiritual existence!
Recognizing the true worth of our existence, aligning ourselves with that darkness within is not only the gateway of an ideal self- reflection, but also it is that stage of our awakening when at the same time we start to get enlightened in a different way. We start to feel our eternal presence in a more creative way. And from here on starts the true recognition of our ideal home, of that greater womb from where we came and will be merged into as we`re nothing, but the spiritual beings in human forms and eternally connected to the divine source of universal intelligence. And gradually with treading along those dark and secret passageways quite miraculously we start to find our ideal center, within. And once again that terrible darkness of those silent nights start to hold before us, completely a different picture of eternity where we can feel what actually our life is and what is our true purpose in reality.
In this connection, I would like to remind you all that going through the dark phases of our life is nothing, but preparing ourselves to endure that pain inside and evolving our higher selves towards that direction where a dawn still awaits for us in order to embrace our soul once again for a higher purpose. So what we need to do is not to blur our vision, not to frighten ourselves, making us feel that we don`t have any higher mission, rather surrendering our higher selves to the truth of that universal intelligence in order to be enlightened to the true worth of our being where aligned with the darkness, within is not the end of our journey, rather the beginning of an eternal sojourn that`s continually whispering into our ears; “ knowing yourself is nothing, but being with the stillness, you`ve within and dancing with the spirit, with that darkness, within that`s continually reinforcing you to evolve in a newer way with all your primordial and spiritual essence…”
In this connection, I can`t resist myself to share with you a surprising experience that happened to me a few years back. I still remember that night while in a miraculous way, somehow I started to feel that my entity was getting aligned with the perfect stillness of that silent night. An inner voice was trying to mumble something. Something inaudible but to be perceived, within. It was like a deeper calling, a call of my soul, I felt, trying to merge with that dark night, with that eternal silence that she bears within, I felt. And right from that very moment, somehow I started to feel that I`m nothing, but only a spiritual being, eternally aligned to the truth of that cosmic night, to the truth of the universe that is always inspiring us to evolve in a newer way towards the meaning of eternity.
The clouds on the sky, the perfect stillness and the entire nocturnal beauty suddenly started to appear before me as something, very much close and true to my being, since the primordial time of my existence. And somehow, on that very moment, I felt that the perfect stillness of that night is nothing, but only the deeper core of my being, the reality of my existence in a cosmic sense. That night I was very much with myself. My inner world was continually inspiring me to perceive that darkness within myself, once again! That experience was not an explicable one in a tangible way, but something to be perceived within and that special feeling came to me that night in the form of a poetry. Here I`m sharing some of the excerpts of it;
“…It is like a motionless picture, standing still/ with all its grace, all those dark patches, bearing within/ I was nothing, but only an witness, there/ I felt/ something like a tattered cloth, like some broken pieces/ I guessed/ that nocturnal air was harking me back/ somehow, I felt to perceive a greater truth/ to bring me back, once again to my root /perhaps, to paint another shade of reality/ and to make me feel/I`m all with that darkness/ with that truth of eternity, within…”
