painting: Shinjan Patra
Those of you`re thinking that your life would be a silver platter , glittering all the time and invite you to a wonderland , where you may find Alice as your eternal mate to shine with and can spend your day only through some pipe dreaming or singing any sort of sweet lullaby, then this blog is not for you. But it is for those who have already confronted the darker shades of their life, and sometimes feel abandoned and rejected by others and sometimes quite surprisingly by their own too. But , when you`re feeling dejected and mourning over your grief , finding no other way to raise your spirit , once again, just try to listen to that voice, coming from the inner core of your being. It may be trying to tell you something else.
My intention is not to philosophize or to make you feel baffled. Though Philosophy is not apart from our life , but sometimes those intellectual tenets may not work in some cases, while you`re actually suffering from any irreparable loss and trying to survive only with your fragile self in a helpless manner. But, if you keep your faith alive and believe from the core of your heart that someday some miracle is going to happen, you may feel some soft whispers of your wounded self who is trying to share with you, something special at that very moment. Then, you may not find Alice as your mate , standing over there to greet you . But you may be introduced into a different territory , where your eternal mate is waiting for you to make you feel blessed and secured with a different harmony.
When the seeds of darkness got replaced with those of faith and shelter:
Sometimes , darkness has that much potential to give you a greater vision of seeing something different , you`ve not seen before . Such was exactly the case of that lady , barely of forty five years of age , then running an old age home , absolutely by her own . I came to meet her during my ten days stay at Gangtok. On our first meet , she was a bit busy , all the time nursing and caring some of the feeble persons of that home absolutely by herself . There she had only two attendants to assist her usually on weekends . The rest of the week she did all the works by her own but it never made her to look gloomy for a second , rather stupendously chose to meet up all the daily necessities for them . And it was this very nature of her to which I got attracted and couldn`t resist myself to ask ; “ May I know , from where do you get this amazing spirit to serve all the time ?” , “ It`s all because of an old mirror , I chose to serve here .” She said, bringing a gentle smile on her face. It made me to startle at once; “ I don`t get your point .” I said . “ Actually I had some broken pieces , and I needed to conjure those up . So , I took up this decision to serve those who are in such need to be looked after.” She replied . But , I was fumbled a bit. she started to smile again and answered; “ There`s a mystery , my dear !” On our third meet , she herself came towards me with her usual gentleness . But somehow , I perceived that her eyes were trying to express something else. “ Are you still interested to know about those broken pieces ?” , she asked, all at once in a surprising tone . I did nothing, but just nodded my head with a genuine acceptance and that was enough for her to feel safe and on that day I was introduced with a different truth of her life. She continued ; “ It was an evening when everything seemed as pretty normal. I was quite in a mood of enjoying that time . There was no worry at all . I was driving even faster as I needed to attend a party organized by some of my friends on that evening . Quite unexpectedly , someone was continually calling me , but I was not in a mood to pick that up . I thought , it must be someone crazy , calling again and again . So , why should I disturb my time ? I just drove me on and finally reached at that party , just to drink life to the lees ! But quite unknowingly of myself, I made the biggest mistake of my life on that very evening and that ultimately was proved as a fatal one ! Actually , that evening my mother was calling me repeatedly as she was seriously ill and eagerly waiting for me to help her out . But I didn`t pay any attention and as a result of that , a disaster was just waiting for me to shake my complete foundation . As I reached my home , at night , my mother was no more. But still my favorite mirror was by her side ! I felt that somehow I was losing myself, I was totally out of me , got dumbfounded and quite unconsciously just took up the mirror only for once , but accidentally it too got slipped from my hand , making me to stand all alone, only with those broken pieces , lying scattered on the floor. And it was utterly impossible for me to mend those up , once again . After that fatal incident a complete darkness had engulfed me for the next ten years . All the time , I was in search of someone who could mend my broken pieces altogether. I had not been able to forgive myself. In the meantime, I also consulted to a psychoanalyst. He advised me to help some needy people , who are in distress. After such consultations , I don`t know how , but all on a sudden I took up the decision and opened up this Old age Home `Adora `, where the old persons and the needy ones may find their shelter , may find a newer hope to sustain , in this beautiful world, once again . And trust me, that decision had completely changed me altogether . And now , you can see that I`m not brooding over those broken pieces, rather always thinking how to conjure those up , by helping these old, deprived individuals.”
She sighed for a while . The autumnal breeze was still blowing northwards . We were in a park , sitting face to face. The darkness was silently crawling over us . But I could feel a different spark , shining in her eyes, in spite of the darkness of that evening!
Do you want to know , where in lies the mystery of those broken pieces? Actually those broken pieces of the mirror were nothing, but the symbolic representation of her heart that had completely shattered after that devastating experience and continually leading her towards a state of depression and that related existential crisis. And the suggestion of that psychoanalyst to help other old persons was nothing, but had a healing purpose in itself . It not only healed her heart and soul but also helped her to release all her guilts and that related past traumas . It was nothing, but to bring her soul , back to her true nature, bringing within her a different realization and enlightenment to rethink and evolve in a newer way. There she might not be able to bring her mother back or to mend up those broken pieces altogether , in a tangible way . But in the gentle presence of a divine light , things got started to change and the labyrinthine dark tunnels of her life , suddenly took a different turn , harvesting within her some special seeds of shelter and faith (certainly came from an unseen order of the divine energy) and miraculously pushed her forward to create and transform her being more in a maturely constructive way.
When painful consciousness awakens you to gain wisdom in a different way:
The painful consciousness that you gained while trailing through the dark dungeons, you may feel a bit perturbed , fearful at the same time , but let me assure you that this consciousness , you`re gaining during this period is not beguiling you to embark your journey towards another dark territory , where once again you may feel abandoned , but its leading you towards a different insightful realization from where you can only hear what your depth is trying to tell you . But , you need not to disperse it with your shadow self where fear exists. Its intention is not to make you feel overwhelmed, but to introduce before you the highest truth of your existence in spite of these darkest realities of your life. During that moment, you may feel overburdened with sorrows , tears may roll down over your cheeks. You may be shocked at once ! feel yourself trapped in a labyrinthine dark dungeon , crying “ Help ! Help!”, but nobody`s is going to listen to you . But , believe me there will always be someone , listening to your cry. She`ll give you that shelter , you`re seeking for a long time . Do you want to know who is that one ? She`s your inner voice where your soul resides. She`s not silent ; she`s trying to tell you some other truth. It`s only through her voice, you may get to know your ideal purpose of living on this earth , while going through such crisis. But , I feel you may get your answer if you pay heed to her gentle whispers that`s continually guiding and leading you to have that special vision by the help of which you may have that higher revelation to recreate yourself, once again. There you may get baffled for a moment but if you listen to her, you can hear her soft assurance, always inspiring you to grow, within;
“ There , you may find the candle/ the divine one, I feel/ to blur all the worries, all the chaos to heal …”
And , here on that very moment , you may feel , you can`t control your tears any longer . You may not find out any reason, behind those tears; whether they`re of your sadness or of something else! You may start to think over it , but don`t get overwhelmed, my dear. Those tears are of nothing, but only a preparation of a newer dawn, I feel!
When ego breaks and soul enters as your eternal mate
On a first place , you may not perceive the inner meanings of those tears . You may think , that these are nothing but coming out of your ego self that`s continually crying for the loss of his `Self House ` that once he build in order to aggrandize his self- promotions and accomplishments. But if you fathom more into the depth of your being , you may perceive a deeper meaning of those tears that is absolutely beyond this half realized interpretations . Then you can have a higher realization , a realization that may help you to expand your consciousness to a newer horizon where you may not find any mesmerizing sunrise, but may discover your eternal mate who will be there for you to make you feel content, within to lift you up , to help you out in order to find your center . And at that very moment, you may find those candles, once again that were quenched off , long before in the midst of those labyrinthine turns of the darkest dungeons. And in spite of all those painful experiences , once again you may start to feel yourself blessed enough and wish to be grateful to that divine grace that ultimately has helped you out to behold that mirror ( those painful nights in disguise) in order to see the real you (your soul`s power, within ) once again !
And finally you got realized that this tower moment , this awakening was nothing but an opportunity to revisit your inner land , where your soul resides , form where you came and will be merged into, after this mortal realm , in an eternal way . And that divine intervention was nothing, but to create you , more in a newer way in order to align yourself to your true purpose, once again. On a very first place, you may feel that there is no hope , no strength to move on , but suddenly a greater revelation may shake you up and you may start to hear someone`s gentle assurance, while crossing over the iron bars of those dark corridors.
“ Beyond the darkest of those darks/ I`ll be there for you / to give you that Greatest Mark !”
Now you need not to have any doubt . Just feel her presence, within . It`s no one but your soul herself , now coming with her full majesty in order to lift you up from the ashes of those dark realities , not to tempt you with any fabricated thoughts , but to introduce before you the reality of your existence with her gentle presence . From her , you may learn how to bid adieu to your ego and surrender your entity , completely to her magic. Its utterly , under her guidance, you may no longer feel abandoned or overwhelmed , rather feel the true essence of your being , the true meanings of your tears and laughter , the true shades of your happy Springs and your mourning Winters . She`ll console you in that way where the scars of your heart will no longer bleed , instead find their own way to flourish, once again around those meadows filled with some blooming flowers , dangling their heads and singing that happy lore of your life , a lore of eternity itself!
Let`s feel ; You are not alone:
Here , I`ve some suggestions for you my friends . Never let you feel alone , whenever you`re going through some crisis , never try to console yourself , thinking that someday some prince Charming will come forward to free you up , rather feel that some higher energy is always surrounding your being , observing and protecting you , guiding you to move forward . Sometimes your pain may be inconsolable , may be inexplicable to others , but never let you feel depressed , because depression can only make you a moving body without the spark of life inside . Just try to remember one thing , you may be lonely, but you`re not alone in a true sense . Some divine energy is always with you, with your higher self . Let`s try to feel that energy, within and break yourself free from all the traumas of those dark nights .
So whenever you`re going through any crisis, just try to keep yourself calm. If possible, try to behold the eternal beauty of a night`s sky. There you may find a different truth to explore! During that moment, you feel that you`re not a single entity, rather very much aligned to that nocturnal beauty, to the truth of eternity. You may start to feel the presence of a beautiful energy. On a first place, you may not perceive from where it`s coming! But if you close your eyes, you may feel that the vast expansion knows all your pains and all the way, how to heal. And then only you may realize that the beautiful energy is coming from nowhere else, rather it`s already within yourself! So what I would like to say to all of you, never feel disheartened, rather feel the magic, within; pay some heed to your saddest self. May be there you find your best friend! Listen more into the depth; she is still mumbling, perhaps to heal your heart, to make you feel that you`re the blessed one to live your life on this planet!
“ I`ll be always there ,
To help you my Dear ,
To make you feel , we`ve
A different story,
An eternal knot to share !
When the saddest part
of yourself will brood over,
crying “ Help and Help !”
I`ll be there for you
Remind me,
Text Me then!”
