image: Debarati Ray
In those early days of my childhood when my innocence used to hark me back and inspire me to discover something unknown from that known world of Do`s and Don`ts, I still remember that longing that I used to feel those days. And that longing I didn`t know why I felt but it always had a tendency to bring me back under the starry sky at those nightly hours. I didn`t know why but the stillness and serenity of those nights attracted me a lot and quite like a hypnotizing spell, I used to stare at the sky, overhead! Sometimes, at those gleaming stars, shining and dazzling in their own beauty, sometimes at that full void, beckoning me to feel some special significance. It wondered me a lot! Then I was barely of five to six years old and it was quite impossible for me to know how long those stars had been glittering to light up the sky, to fill up the void with their dazzling presence, or how long they would have to do that. All through those nights, I used to think; who does light up those stars at every evening and quench them off early in the morning? I used to stare at them and hover around those thoughts at every night, but found no answer, satisfying my innocence even at that point of time. Sometimes, I used to ask my mother. She never replied anything, only smiled with her habitual sweetness. During some of those nights I also used to have an unnatural dream of losing myself in the midst of a dark tower. I still remember that dream in vivid; the more I tried to sort out the exact passageway, the more I used to get trapped into those labyrinthine dark passageways. There was nothing, but only an all-enveloping darkness, I could feel! There was none to help me out of that. I tried to escape but found no one to hold my hand. And most of the time that frightful dream kept me awake late at the mid- hours of those nights, only to discover myself as a trembling creature out of fear, being consoled by my mother. I still remember her mumbling voice; “You need not to worry, my dear! I`m always by your side to protect you and will be…as those silent stars dazzling and shining over the sky…” Sometimes my innocence used to bother her late at those nightly hours; “Do you know the name of that light man, who lights up the stars at every dusk?” She gently nodded her head and replied with her habitual sweetness, “They don`t need any light man, my dear! Rather they have that power, that light within. But they do have a connection to their creator that always makes them feel to shine up with their own beauty, to light up the sky, to light up the void with an eternal truth … and that is a mystery…”
For the next few years, I also believed her every words until scientific reasoning came into my knowledge and I got introduced with those analytical observations of my Science books from where I got to know about the components of those stars, helping them to shine brightly on the sky. But one thing I must tell you that those scientific knowledge never satisfied that longing that I used to feel at those earlier days of my childhood. I still remember those days of my early-twenties, those days that used to inspire me to discover something different, yet significant and true to my existence. So in search of that special something, whenever I got some recluse from my habitual study hours, I used to stand alone in our garden to contemplate for a while, sometimes to perceive some greater truths that the stars of those evenings wanted to share with me. I used to stand still only to witness the evening darkness that had gradually been descending upon the branches of that gigantic banyan tree at our garden. Till the days of my early teens, I used to wonder, how is it possible for that tree to stay grounded all through the years and evolving itself at the same time in spite of enduring the storms, enduring the darkness all alone! But now with age, I can feel those mysteries; the mystery of that banyan tree, even the mystery of those stars that once filled my awareness with wonder and awe.
Here, in this blog I would like to share that mystery, that truth of our existence, that harmony and integrity of our entity that connects us with our eternal strings, with that `inner seed` that we all have within, since eternity.[ See my Blog Find out the Inner Truth, Feel your Being; published on 10, April, 2022] And this truth is nothing but the truth of our being and the truth of that eternal connection to our creator who is always helping us to evolve, to transcend in a newer way, towards a different territory where we can have that special significance, a special meaning of our existence, in spite of living in this mundane world, in spite of the darkness, within that usually frightens us.
When the Darkness within introduces before you the greater womb, your origin:
Most of the time we do have a tendency to interpret darkness with something incongruous or something that cannot be explored in a right way or in a way that usually we wish to discover according to our tangible perception. And that dream that I used to have during those childhood nights was also not an exception to that. That was so frightful for me, something like losing myself in a mysterious, unfathomable, dark dungeon from where escape can only be a myth for all. But what do you think, is it really that escape I was seeking for? Though according to the conscious interpretation of your mind, you may feel that it was just a normal dream experience that we all used to have during our childhood days as in those days more or less we all suffered from an insecurity of losing ourselves from our secured shelter, the shelter of our parental home. So it`s quite normal to have such dreams. But as days go on, circumstances change and gradually we start to feel that darkness not as something fearful, but as something mysterious that somehow I felt during those early teens when the silent evening used to descend down over the garden to cover up that huge banyan tree.
You may think, what is so unique of that? It`s only a natural process to witness at every dusk. But in this connection, I would tell you that this natural process has some significance, some different meaning in it and that meaning is somehow connected to your origin, to your depth. If you probe deep within, you may also feel that darkness, very much aligned to your being. Though for the first time you may not recognize it, you may be fumbled a bit, may also feel it as something incongruous, something terrible. But the reality is; it is that darkness from where you came and where you need to go to be merged with. It is the reality of your existence, the truth of your being. It is that place where your inner seed finds that shelter to flourish itself once again. It is not the darkness that holds you back and you just need to take the refuge, but it is the darkness that helps you to recognize your reality in a constructive way, in a way where you can feel the longing as a longing for something genuine, for creating something new. It`s a mystery itself when a darkness becomes the ground of your being, the reality of your existence as it is connected to your roots, your depth within. And it is only through this darkness you can feel where in lies the truth of your existence.
When your suffering becomes unbearable and inconsolable, your ego can no longer handle such situations. Then at that point of time you may start to feel that longing within, but never find any answer. But at the same time you may feel that a newer journey begins. A journey of probing more into the depth, more into the darkest regions of your existence, more like a spiritual quest than a journey itself. And here in the course of this newer journey, some questions may come around your mind like, “who am I?” or “where did I come from?” or like “Where should I go?” But at this stage, I will tell you not to bother yourself but try to fathom deep within with the help of these questions in a self- reflective manner. Try to perceive more deeply. Try to feel that eternal light, surrounding the universe and your entity as well. If you probe more into the depth, you can feel that descending down into the darkness is not to lose yourself but to discover the ideal version of yourself, very much aligned and true to that eternal womb, within from which you`re emerged and will be merged into as an eternally blissful and spiritual being in a natural way where continuity of life is another form of transcending yourself, evolving your soul as well.
Ground yourself with that eternal womb and recognize your true self:
I think, by this time you got to know my point what I was trying to interpret just at the onset of this blog through that dream experience. Though on an apparent level, it was just a feeling of insecurity, experienced by a child`s mind. But if you probe deeper into that experience, you may feel that it was not like a simple dream, rather a longing, a quest to discover myself, a journey to recognize my true calling that was somehow connected to that dream where I lost myself in the midst of that darkness.
Most of the time we fear the unknown as something mysterious and compare it with an unfathomable darkness without knowing the fact that to probe into that darkness is essential to grow ourselves, to recognize our true being, to discover that newness that we all possess under the layer of our external conscious self. If you wish to know that secret code, you have to probe deeper within. And then that darkness may appear before you as a sort of revelation; a revelation that may help you to know the source of that light, helping the stars to dazzle in their own beauty, since eternity. You may also feel that power that is helping out that banyan tree to stand all alone on its own, in spite of that darkness, in spite of enduring the storms, but evolving at the same time, being grounded with its own roots.
Most of the time we tend to interpret our downward journey as some sort of failure while the upward movement is always considered to be as an achievement. But if we want to follow the footsteps of our soul, she will always lead us towards that dimension of our existence where being grounded is everything to know our true being, our true worth of living in this world. During this journey where she is leading you downward, you may feel baffled a bit, sometimes you may not be able to identify where exactly she wants you to lead, as her true nature is not bounded within a linear formation of categorization, rather something more than that, something that may help you to grow, to transcend beyond this ordinary perception of living in this world. And during this journey, from the deeper roots of your heart, you may perceive where you need to crush your ego and where to surrender to the divine in order to feel the ideal essence of your being. And during this downward journey you may perceive who your ideal soul mate is and can recognize your eternal womb from where you came and will be merged into. Descending down into the depth of your being, you will able to know, how and where she wishes to plant the seeds of faith and hope within yourself that`s essential to perceive your higher calling, that place where destiny waits for you to meet. And out of that darkness you may perceive that this dark night is nothing but the ultimate truth, the reality of your being. You may also interpret that darkness as that rich tapestry of your being where the art of your entity is to be carved out with its real nature, with that inner mystery that has always been longing to be evolved into a newer direction. And only then you can feel where in lies the truth and beauty of that darkness, of that eternal womb that appeared before you as something frightful for the first time. You may also feel what intrinsic message that dream was trying to input into my heart and soul during that childhood nights; losing myself into that darkness was nothing but an opportunity from the divine to probe more into the depth and feel the ground of my being in a newer way where escaping from that darkness is not the reality, but probing more into that to find out the truth is the reality itself. Descending down into it you may also perceive the true nature of your soul and what she is trying to whisper into your ears. You may stumble at times, may feel baffled descending down into that depth, but at the same time you may also feel her soft mumblings, coming from the bottom of your heart;
“ Towards the darkest of the darks/ when life may seem doomed and lost/ remember Me then/ I may not appear before you/ quite like those morning hues/ but my truth will help you out/ to see within/ to find that light/ that star to shine/ fresh and pure/ quite like the morning dews/ for sure.”
When that Darkness within encounters the eternal light of Truth and Wonder:
In a deeper sense to interpret, I would say that this darkness is not something to be ignored or to be frightened of, rather it`s that phase of your life when you yourself are very much eager to descend down into the depth of your being. You may feel it as something mystical, but I would say that it is a phase of your self- reflection, a stage of revelation where you can recognize your roots, your center. It is your own longing to discover a deeper dimension of reality, the deeper dimension of your being. In that sense, whenever you`re going through such dark phases of your life, remember one thing that this darkness is not something to be scared of, rather something to remind you of your own worth, your worth as an entity, your worth as a spiritual being.
In that sense, it may be felt that this darkness is nothing but only serves to help you to comprehend the truth of your being. Here at this juncture your external conscious self may stumble for once, but at the same time you cannot ignore that higher calling coming from the bottom of your heart. Once again you may fall into the trap of that dilemma; whether to rise high or to channelize your consciousness downward. But if you wish to remain true to yourself, you cannot deny the call of your heart and quite automatically you may feel that you`re descending downward just to receive the call of your destiny to mold the clay of your entity in a newer and more in a creative way. Descending down into this darkness not only helps to grow yourself psychologically but it also helps you to transcend, to know your worth as true spiritual being. It is nothing but a deeper exploration within yourself and knowing the truth, harmony of your being that is eternally connected to that universal intelligence, not only surrounding your being but also surrounding the entire creation as well.
Here in comes the true worth of surrender where surrendering yourself to that darkness, to that eternal womb may lead your consciousness towards that unknown territory of harmony and truth where knowing the reality of your being you may feel that peace and bliss within. You may also perceive the true power of higher consciousness that is very much aligned to that spiritual dimension from where you may recall your home once again under the perception of eternity where the mystery of this darkness may not be interpreted as something pessimistic, rather something very much attuned to your soul, your inner essence that always speaks for you; how to know yourself, how to know that beauty and wonder, you possess, within under the shell of your conscious self.
Finding your Center is the happiest way to transcend and evolve yourself:
During those days of my early teens, while I used to walk down into the labyrinthine passages of our garden, sometimes I felt a communion with that huge banyan tree. It was not its hugeness that attracted me a lot, rather it was a mystery in it that always used to inspire me to open my heart in order to perceive something greater than this tangible world of interpretations, something different than those scientific observations with which we`re accustomed on a daily basis. I didn`t know what I used to get from that communion, but for sure I used to feel something intangible, peaceful enough and been able to transcend my consciousness to a different realm from where I didn`t get anything tangible, but could discover a newer identity that I already have within, but kept it unnoticed in the daily course of my life. And that identity was something like an interconnectedness with my own roots quite like that banyan tree, staying grounded with its own roots but evolving at the same time in her own beauty and helping me to feel the existence I have, since eternity.
I think, most of you got my point. The longing that I used to have since my childhood was not for anything tangible, but for something very much aligned to my roots, to that `inner seed` that we all have within. But all the time remaining unknown of the fact that we`re eternally connected to some universal creative force, surrounding our being as well as the entire creation, we tend to indulge ourselves in some dilemmas. And now a days most of the problems are arising from it, from this ignorance that we`re an eternal entity and connected to some higher force. But I must tell you that here in lies the efficacy of that darkness and the utility of probing more into that, more into the depth of your being in order to recognize your true home, the eternal womb and the true meaning of reconciling with your eternal mate.
This reconciliation not only helps you to grow psychologically, but it also helps you to evolve and emerge with your true spiritual nature, very much akin to your higher self, very much aligned to that depth of your being that quite spontaneously inspires you to be the sculptor of your own being, in order to be that creative artist who knows the true worth of emergence. This descending down into the depth not only helps you to get a proper self- reflection, but also inspires you to accept who you really are and where in lies your true endeavor. But if you`re unable to probe into the depth only because of that darkness, you`re not only hindering your path of emergence, rather blocking yourself to be true to your being.
Descending down into the depth is not only a spontaneous way of recognizing yourself, rather it is your soul`s yearning to transform yourself into a newer way. But most of us can not recognize it properly and tend to see this darkness as something like a black monster engulfing our entity and withdrawing ourselves from the colors and magic of life. But I would remind you that here at this juncture we misinterpret this downward journey and once again fall under the trap of that false ego, completely remaining unknown of the fact that this yearning of our soul is nothing but only to bring a self- awareness within ourselves to know our true color, our destiny for which we`re born on this planet. The encounter with this darkness is nothing but a call from your soul to shed off your old skin by this deeper probing and evolving once again, completely keeping yourself aligned to the roots, to that `inner seed`, you`ve within.
It is another way of finding your center that you`ve lost in the course of your survival that most of the time appears before you as a hopeless existence, without any meaning to live with. But if you pause for a while and allow yourself to perceive more into the depth, you can feel that darkness is nothing but that inner power that you all have within. It is that corrective force of your heart, reminding you once again of your true worth and trying to pull you back towards that higher calling, you`re destined for. And in the course of descending down into the depth, you can perceive that it`s not a darkness but a guiding force of yourself, walking down the streets along with you, making you feel that your existence has some special significance and your life has some special meaning to sustain;
“I`m not that darkness/ that pulls you downward/ makes you feel/ how much feeble, timid, you`re/ but that darkness/ to bring you back/ to see within/ to feel the sunrise/ to have that gaze/ that once you longed for/ as your eternal grace.”
When surrender to your roots becomes the only way to evolve yourself:
That dream of losing myself into a dark dungeon was nothing but only a serendipitous encounter with my own being that somehow used to inspire me to know my worth and evolve myself according to that higher call. It was a call of surrendering myself to that darkness, within, surrendering my entity to that truth of my existence where I may find no one but only eternity as my guide and mate.
Whenever you`re surrendering yourself to your roots, your center, remember one thing that you`re also surrendering yourself to that universal divine intelligence, that anchoring power of your life, creative and responsible enough not only to heal yourself psychologically but also helping you to grow spiritually. This is a way of nurturing yourself, once again true to the essence of your soul and evolving yourself to those highest ideals where in spite of darkness you`ll be able to bring your sculptor back again to fill the void of your life with a higher wisdom and newer hopes. And here once again you can feel the truth and harmony of your being, harking you back and inspiring you, more in a creative way to listen your soul`s voice, coming within;
“It`s not a wonder to feel Me, within/ within that Darkness that harks you back/but the wonder is/ to feel that light/ that still you have/ in spite of My Darkness/ you still have, that magic lamp/ shining and gleaming within/ perhaps to share a story/ that harks you back/ may be trying to tell you/ the truth/ the truth to bring you back/ the truth to show you, a different way/ where eternity, still holds your hand!”
