painting: Shinjan Patra
words: Debarati Ray
Only, a cursory glance at the title of this blog may make you feel about what kind of investment, I`m talking about. Is it really right to see marriage as an investment? In that sense, am I telling you to see marriage as a business plan? If these questions are arising in your mind, let me assure you that marriage is certainly not a business plan, but something more than that where the only capital, you need to invest is love and compassion. Here, the proprietor is no one but both of your hearts who are always in work together in order to make their client happy and content forever. I feel, you`re eager enough to know, who is this client I`m talking about? And for whom your hearts need to invest that special something?
Here, in this blog I would like to lay bare that secret of your marriage where you need not to see this marriage as a mere paper contract but as a blissful agreement where your client, your soul can have that eternal feeling of love and harmony.
When pretense comes forward, marriage becomes only a farce:
Now a days, most of the couples, we see tend to have a tendency to view their marriage as a mere pretense where they like to see themselves as only the dancers of a never ending masquerade that is just going on without any direction. Though from an apparent level, you may not feel any wrong of viewing your marriage as a false show but if you probe deep into it, you may recognize a harsh truth of reality i.e. this superficial game of pretense and merry making may beguile you with its external glitters but never can lead you towards that ideal core of a happy married life. Most of the time, it may indulge you to be one of those masked players of this never ending game. And there around the heaps of expectations and false merry making you may lose your own track and find yourself only as a helpless creature and that may ultimately lead you to take up the decision of quitting this game, leaving one another, perhaps, saying to the world “We didn`t feel like, we were not meant for each other.”
Time changes in its natural course. Months after, you may, once again start to feel another need to get married. But, if you’re going to be married this time too in search for an ideal partner to satisfy your past expectations, let me tell you that you`re again choosing the wrong path. Though, I know that it`s quite natural to have some desires and expectations, regarding your married life. So, I would never suggest you to suppress all of those desires. As it may also cause a chaos in your married life. But here, I want to tell you one simple thing; never indulge yourself to be obsessed with those thoughts only. As because of that over indulgence on your expectations, you may have to face another disequilibrium in your married life, once again. I feel marriage is all about sharing your thoughts and mutual feelings. It`s not about burdening one another, blurring each other’s visions with those thoughts of expectations and that related dissatisfactions and making it only as a masquerade in order to hide your real self. And as a result of that pretense, suspicion and disbelief may come forth, quite automatically and your marriage may appear before you only as an illusion where falsity is the only medium to hold both of your reflections.
When responsibility becomes an ideal investment of mutual sharing:
In this connection, I would like to tell you that in a happy married life you also need to have a basic sense of responsibility. But never try to coalesce this thought of responsibility with the thought of burdening one another. Because responsibility is not like compulsion on anything. But it`s more like a mutual sharing where both of the partners will happily accept each other`s flaws and strengths doing every necessary deeds accordingly but never criticize one another or never try to assume any status of superiority than the other one. Rather, they may view this responsibility as a blissful attachment of two souls who don`t have any need to pretend, to make one another happy with any external glittering talks.
What they only need is a proper understanding, a proper balance and moreover a proper alignment to their true spiritual being where truth resides without any conflicting, pretentious glitters. And here in lies the true meaning of this sacred union, the true meaning of perceiving each other`s soul and expressing those feelings in a way where ineffability of two loving souls can find their way back to their ideal home, back to that eternal grace of divinity where harmony and truth reside in an inconspicuous, yet in a self- content and self- reflective way.
Allow your consciousness to believe your marriage as a soul`s contract:
In this blog, my intention is not to make you feel baffled, but to remind you, once again, if you`re trying to see your marriage as a long term investment, then what are the usual features that you need to invest in it. As I feel marriage is more than an application but here also you need to apply some features in order to feel it eternal and whole. And when your heart, mind and soul find an ideal symphony with one another, you can make sure of the fact that your marriage application has that power to achieve its highest goal. And then only the investment may be fruitful where quite surprisingly you may start to feel a different strength to continue this contract forever. You may also feel that you`re getting aligned to your soul`s choice.
In order to make you comprehend that marriage is more than a mere business plan, I would like to share with you an incident that I had listened from one of my friends who was posted at Missouri during those days. It is the story of a rich business merchant who during the early years of his life, always used to see marriage as a long term investment and this was the only reason for him to avoid any kind of marriage ceremony altogether. He himself also wished to be unmarried for the rest of his life. But everything changed, since Agnes entered into his life. The man who once despised these thoughts of getting married, suddenly started to feel in a different way. And quite surprisingly, for the first few days, they started to meet at some roadside cafeterias on every weekends and quite in a magical way, both of them started to enjoy each other’s company. The man who once felt love as simply a puzzle game or a game where both money and time are to be wasted, quite unexpectedly started to feel some different charisma in Agnes. And quite unknowingly of himself he fell in love with her and proposed her with a promise of presenting a coffee shop in the near future, quite like that similar one where they were just timing out on that day. You must be thinking, what just happened next to that? But, therein lies the actual mystery.
The very day when he proposed her, she said nothing but assured that she would meet him on the very next day at that same place. And when on that next day she came to him, she only carried a paper in her hand. And that was the paper of their contract. Yes! They did have a contract marriage. But that contract was not that kind of needs and necessities that you`re thinking of, rather a different contract altogether. Though, for the first few minutes he was quite overwhelmed, didn`t get any point of signing that contract in order to marry her. But the reason she gave him on that day was somewhat incredible and astounding. She neither forced him to sign it, nor beguiled him to do so but simply told him to believe on a simple truth on the basis of which marriage stands forever. This was only a written contract and quite unexpectedly not written by any legal person, but by her own that made him to ask her in surprise, “Are you trying to make some jokes with me?” But quite naively she answered; “This is simply a contract of two souls, hence I don`t feel any legalities would be required.” There was a deep sense of compassion and benevolence, somehow he felt in her voice that quite unexpectedly made him to believe her and sign the contract. And that might be the first contract, signed in between two loving souls, without any legalities, without any strategic terms and conditions. This was like:
A CONTRACT OF TWO SOULS
Here both the parties (Mr. Ferdinand Goodman and Ms. Agnes Oak) are signing this contract on the basis of their heart and soul. Here they don`t have to maintain any so called conditions. Here, both of them are eligible and responsible to respect this contract, wholly based on some highest ideals of achieving something greater than the usual definition of marriage. Here the soul`s contentment would always be at the top priority.
SOME LOVING NOTES TO REMEMBER:
- Here always they should have a basic understanding and equal reciprocity.
- A mutual responsibility is to be maintained in a less comparable but in a more strengthening way where lifting and motivating one another`s spirit would be a prior job than anything else.
- Here passion and compassion need to have a proper balance with a sense of mutual understanding and recognizing each other on a higher perspective.
- Compromising something for one another would never be felt as a failure or dissatisfaction for the other, but to feel oneself worthy enough of doing that in order to help their partner.
- Here communication is not to be viewed only in a verbal way, but in a way where it is to be felt, self- communicated and contemplated in a more perceptible way where it feels like a fruitful, loving dialogue between two partners.
- Expression of any emotion is always to be accepted and welcome under the circumstances where these are only expressed in a harmless manner.
- There will be no strict compulsion of accepting any liability in the name of responsibility, but responsibility has to be taken in a way where releasing each other`s burdens would be renamed as sharing lives with one another on the basis of mutual understanding.
- Instant gratifications are always welcome. But these are to be expressed only when your heart and soul are in full support with yourself. False praises are not required.
- Here both of the partners are requested to be aligned to their true self, to their spiritual being that they have within, since eternity. Hence external glitters are not required.
- Here the relation is solely to be based on true love and commitment where both of the partners wouldn`t feel this as a tiresome, burdensome, unending journey with some labyrinthine tricks and turns, but as a soul`s journey where two independent souls are crossing the bridge of humanity, holding each other`s hands on the basis of harmony and eternity.
Disputes or litigations:
If any dispute or litigation occurs, then both of the parties would be responsible to themselves only and are advised to mend up the matter by their own without any external interferences. If it`s not possible for them, then they may surrender their entity to the divine intelligence (who always knows the eternal truth) and ask for help in order to mend up those temporary disputes.
A list of some intangible potentials to be invested:
- True Love
- Loyalty and being responsible
- Compassion
- Commitment
- Compromise ( not compromising self-respect and self- identity)
- Mutual respect for each other
- Freedom of expression and independence
- Self-cognition and self-reliance
- Mutual understanding on a soul level
- Harmony, peace and balance at every respect
This was truly a wonderful experience that Ferdinand and Agnes had before their marriage. It doesn`t mean that each of you could have this similar kind of experience or you all should have to feel that same kind of experience. Because everyone`s life is different and each of you have your own story to share.
Later, I was also informed that Ferdinand ultimately kept his words and presented that wonderful gift to Agnes that once he promised to gift her. Last time when I went over there, I also visited that coffee shop. It was truly a token of love, ever presented by any husband to his loving wife. It was its very name that caught my attention at once and that was like; `Let`s have a sip of Love`. On that afternoon, I couldn`t resist myself to enter into that coffee shop. And quite unknowingly of myself, ordered for a cup of coffee just to have that `sip of love`. Unfortunately, on that day, I was not able to meet the founders of that loving shop. But the setting sun of that dusky afternoon didn`t dishearten me, rather introduced before me another lovely tapestry, another truth of humanity where love resides without any fake gestures, without any worries but only with its own effulgence, with its own glory.
